The Secret Policemen's Balls

Yes, "The Secret Policemen's Balls"...today Spazzy Sensei was wearing a sweater that had that written on the front. I felt sorry for him, being completely ignorant of the fact that all his students were choking back laughter.

To anyone who doubted my report of the ridiculously high-tech Japanese toilets, I bring you rock-solid evidence!!


Our ONE break this semester, a five-day weekend, just finished. I went to Kyoto with people from Campus Crusade for Christ. We stayed in a hostel for missionaries, kind of an old dusty house. The first floor was full of interesting artifacts from the history of Christianity in Kyoto, including small bronze carvings of Jesus or Mary. Christianity was outlawed in Japan around 1600. Who was or wasn't a Christian was determined by commanding people to step on these little bronze pictures of Jesus. Anyone who refused to do it was crucified. The Japanese will carry to the extreme anything they put their mind to, and after martyring at least 15,000 men, women and children, Christianity was pretty much eradicated from Japan.
Seeing that only 0.8% of Japanese are Christian, it hasn't really recovered since. So there we were at a university in Kyoto, about twenty-five of us, off to start repairing the damage that was done four hundred years ago. We just broke up into partners, went up to various students and started talking to them, introducing the gospel. Everyone was very friendly. Many people here have not even heard of Jesus. Now one hundred more have.

The next day everyone went sightseeing in Kyoto and Arashiyama and had a picnic by the river. Despite being very crowded because it was the weekend, the scenery was very beautiful. What a relief after being in ugly, grey Nagoya these past two months.

It was a very touristy place, where you can pay to take a picture with a miko (like a geisha), buy cutesy souveniers and local treats, ride in rickshaws, and rent a rowboat. There were also a lot of women in beautiful kimonos walking around. Two friends and I rented a rowboat. I tried rowing for a while, and of course my two friends had to compliment my rowing skillz. The Japanese will compliment everything you do no matter what you're doing or how well you're doing it. Don't believe them. Lies, all lies.

A group of local elementary school children were also wandering around, approaching gaijin and asking questions. Their teacher asked me if the children could ask me questions in order to practice their English. So one by one these cute little kids, clutching notebooks in which they had written their questions, came up to me and shyly said hello. Though they spoke very carefully, their accents were pretty thick so I had trouble understanding them. The first question:
"Do you like Arashiyama Elementary School?"
"Uhhh....I don't know." I said. The little girl looked confused but wrote my answer in her book.
"Do you like cookies?" Another girl asked.
"I love cookies." I replied.
"What kind of sports do you like?" Asked a little boy.
"I like karate."
"Karate??" He exclaimed, then turning to his teacher said, "Is that a sport?"
"It's karate! Of course it's a sport!" She said. "And you call yourself Japanese." Afterwards everyone took a picture with me. Then they went on to find their next gaijin victim. Funnily enough the friend I was with at the time was from Singapore and English is her native language; but because she looked Asian she was not approached by the schoolchildren.

I was sad to leave Kyoto because I knew it signaled the return of classes and endless studying. I hope to visit Kyoto again, maybe buy a kimono.

I feel kind of dirty just by posting this, but it's just such a perfect example of how the Japanese need serious help. The box literally says "breast pudding."